Tinsel
Wise Old Thumper
Another report of criminal activity involving the now notorious "Albert the Shadow" has just come in. Apparently Albert, with the help of his accomplice Ms Drusilla, has been arranging a series of carrot thefts from local citizens. The community is currently in shock; one bystander (below), who has requested to be filmed in semi-shade so that he can remain anonymous, said, "Carrots are vanishing like long orange vanishing things"...
Pressure is now building for urgent action to be taken. Meanwhile, our reporter looks back on the events leading up to this unprecedented crime wave and asks "Could security forces (pictured) have been more vigilant, or have they simply turned their back on the problem?"
Apparently, Albert the Shadow started his career as a carrot thief at a relatively early age. It is believed that he stole his first carrot from his girlfriend, Angel, and this extraordinary betrayal was captured on film:
Angel was asked today for her comments on this appalling outrage, but refused to co-operate with the press:
Albert the Shadow is believed to have come up with a cunning three-part plan in order to steal carrots effectively from other vegetable consumers. Our under-cover reporter has been able to gain pictures of this plan in action, in what we believe is a world exclusive on a crime ring of this scale.
STEP ONE: Albert and his accomplice Ms Drusilla identify their victim, lulling him into a false sense of security by simulating some so-called "binkies" in order to create a pleasant and relaxed atmosphere...
STEP TWO:Albert the Shadow moves in to steal the carrot...
STEP THREE:Albert makes off with the carrot, leaving the victim confused and bewildered as he watches his food disappear in the mouth of the elusive thief.
Unfortunately this technique is being cascaded to others in the rabbit community, vulnerable youngters who have seen for themselves that crime can indeed pay. For example a young buck named Fairytale, recently arrived from Arc in Twickenham and previously thought to be of good character, was photographed asking Ms Drusilla for further guidance on how to obtain carrots by dishonest means:
Disturbingly, he was then witnessed acting on her advice...
Chief Inspector Detective Gatsby, currently leading the investigation, said she was Definitely Not Available for Comment; a response that has attracted criticism from those who believe this newly appointed Chief Inspector should "be more forthright" and "come out of her shell".
Meanwhile the mysterious figure at the centre of this outrage remains at large, enjoying his ill-gotten gains and totally unrepentant...
CARLTON, YOU HAVE A LOT TO ANSWER FOR!!!
Pressure is now building for urgent action to be taken. Meanwhile, our reporter looks back on the events leading up to this unprecedented crime wave and asks "Could security forces (pictured) have been more vigilant, or have they simply turned their back on the problem?"
Apparently, Albert the Shadow started his career as a carrot thief at a relatively early age. It is believed that he stole his first carrot from his girlfriend, Angel, and this extraordinary betrayal was captured on film:
Angel was asked today for her comments on this appalling outrage, but refused to co-operate with the press:
Albert the Shadow is believed to have come up with a cunning three-part plan in order to steal carrots effectively from other vegetable consumers. Our under-cover reporter has been able to gain pictures of this plan in action, in what we believe is a world exclusive on a crime ring of this scale.
STEP ONE: Albert and his accomplice Ms Drusilla identify their victim, lulling him into a false sense of security by simulating some so-called "binkies" in order to create a pleasant and relaxed atmosphere...
STEP TWO:Albert the Shadow moves in to steal the carrot...
STEP THREE:Albert makes off with the carrot, leaving the victim confused and bewildered as he watches his food disappear in the mouth of the elusive thief.
Unfortunately this technique is being cascaded to others in the rabbit community, vulnerable youngters who have seen for themselves that crime can indeed pay. For example a young buck named Fairytale, recently arrived from Arc in Twickenham and previously thought to be of good character, was photographed asking Ms Drusilla for further guidance on how to obtain carrots by dishonest means:
Disturbingly, he was then witnessed acting on her advice...
Chief Inspector Detective Gatsby, currently leading the investigation, said she was Definitely Not Available for Comment; a response that has attracted criticism from those who believe this newly appointed Chief Inspector should "be more forthright" and "come out of her shell".
Meanwhile the mysterious figure at the centre of this outrage remains at large, enjoying his ill-gotten gains and totally unrepentant...
CARLTON, YOU HAVE A LOT TO ANSWER FOR!!!
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